Sex and the Widower

Sex is a topic that we widowers often have difficulty discussing with each other, much less with friends, family, or even therapists. And yet, it needs to be addressed. Why? Because so many of us have so much trouble dealing with the topic.

It does not matter whether you are impotent or acting like a bull elk during rutting season. Either way, it can be a psycho-emotional and physical issue that is especially disconcerting during the deep grieving cycle in the first 6 – 12 months after your wife passes.

During my grieving, I found the sudden re-emergence of sexual desires to be especially troubling. It often would disrupt my ability to think straight, adding to my already challenging evenings when loneliness and a desire for companionship would become super-accentuated.

It is a topic that is hard to explain to others who have not been through it. If you are like me, you may never have experienced anything quite like this. Add this to our already sleep-deprived and troubled emotional state, and you have a toxic mix that can lead to mistakes that disrupt or permanently ruin your relationships with family, friends, and/or workmates. You can easily fall into relationships that are unhealthy and potentially damaging to your physical and mental health.

A friend of mine, Maryann Karinch, recently wrote an article, Sex After Your Partner Dies for Psychology Today that addresses this topic. Her article provides “helpful insights for those craving intimacy in widowhood.”

Her key points are:

• It’s normal for people to miss sex and intimacy with a dying or recently deceased partner.
• Friends and therapists may find it uncomfortable to initiate a discussion about sex after widowhood.
• The loss of a partner can erode self-confidence, which can initially make it difficult to start anew sexually.

Rather than repeating all of the points made in her article, I am providing the link to it here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/healthy-connections/202107/sex-after-your-partner-dies

If this is an issue that you are dealing with, please read the article and take what you can from it. I always advise my readers to find what resonates for them and learn from that, and then let go of the parts that don’t work for them.

I hope some of you who are suffering as I did during my deep grieving will find some helpful information and thoughts in the article.

©2024 Fred Colby, All rights reserved.